Month: December 2022

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Dead Northern’s Top Horror Films of 2022

1- Speak No Evil (Directed by Christian Tafdrup) 

Two families meet on holiday, leading to an impromptu trip, but when the groups reunite, a series of misunderstandings wedges a dangerous divide.

Shudder has become an absolute go-to streaming platform for all things macabre and morbid, with hundreds of classics and hidden gems lining the service. Yet, there is one film that truly stands above the rest. Speak No Evil has dominated the horror game since its release. Which is no surprise considering its unexpected paths, commanding characters, and astonishing story beats that will leave your jaw on the floor before the film has even reached its peak. Speak No Evil understands the severity of the mundane; in fact, it’s the very blandness of passive behaviour that ends up being the catalyst for terror. Tafdrup makes no mistakes when it comes to devising tricky situations, which makes the most innocent of actions exude a suspicious level of insincerity.

2- Men (Directed by Alex Garland) 

Harper (Jessie Buckley) embarks on a countryside trip to get over the death of her husband. Whilst there, strange villagers interrupt her peace with growing ferocity.

Men is quite possibly one of 2022’s most controversial films, not necessarily due to the graphicness of ‘that’ ending… But, rather what Garland puts forth within the socially conscious A24 gem. Much of the criticism stems from Buckley’s role as a woeful widow, innately making her character development slip into distressed territories. However, as our review (link) points out, Men actively pursues a freeing emotional palette that disavows the one-dimensionality that is often seen within female roles. Men allows Harper to express grief without wearing a ‘final girl’ cloak that would have stripped Buckley of her incredibly intimate performance. Further ingraining this tone of allowing oneself to be a wreck (especially considering the film’s context) is Garland’s layered set design that flourishes in nature-based aesthetics, and intense soundscapes that transport the viewer into a mythical hellish landscape.

3- Watcher (Directed by Chloe Okuno) 

When Julia (Maika Monroe) and her partner Francis (Karl Glusman), relocate to Budapest for work, Julia begins to loose her grip on reality as she suspects that she has a stalker watching and following her every move.

Watcher unravels with an air of noir mystery, devoting a certain cryptic sleekness within a mystery-based narrative. Further implicating this ‘classic’ quality is the intricately woven sense of dismantlement that slowly unwinds until the tension reaches an unbearable, but purgative peak in the final scene. The ties between Watcher and Giallo cinema are clear, except, rather than heavily entwining the villain within the film, Okuno meddles with the idea of troubled psyches and questionable motives, akin to a modern Hitchcockian tale. This is where the true beauty of the film lies, within its own unpredictability.

4- You Won’t Be Alone (Directed by Goran Stolevski) 

As part of a ruthless curse, a young woman is forced to live a life of uncertainty through a transformative, witchy form.

This Macedonian set horror stormed through the Sundance Film Festival (22) with an impeccable response from both audiences and critics alike. It was the slow, chilling buildup, the exceptional performances, and the artful manner that allowed Stolevski’s debut to garner this immediate praise. You Won’t Be Alone tackles heavy subject matters such as solitude lifestyles, hidden identities, and envious behaviours to create a film brimming with depth and a brooding sense of dread that refuses to quit for the entire runtime. 

5- X (Directed by Ti West)

A team of adult filmmakers rents out a cabin in rural Texas to make the biggest erotic film yet, however, things soon go array when the land owners catch onto their plans.

Ti West has been on the scene for years, with films such as The House of the Devil (2009) and The Innkeepers (2011) rightfully earning their spot in the modern horror hall of fame. Adding to his extensive portfolio is X, a rather salacious number that takes no prisoners, especially when it comes down to the nitty-gritty details… X draws inspiration from the hardy grindhouse films of the 1970s, especially concerning the infamous skinflicks that cruised the scene at the time. X refuses to rely on its indelicate nature to conjure a favourable response, opting to additionally focus on stellar performances and a whopping soundtrack. West’s return to horror has been met with open arms, with X‘s prequel ‘Pearl’ only being released five months after the premiere of its predecessor. With the third entry in this budding franchise being released next year, could West be onto a winning trilogy?

6- Bodies Bodies Bodies (Directed by Halina Reijn) 

After an incident ends in tragedy during a storm, a group of twenty-somethings must make it through the night.

As fantastic as horror comedies can be (Shaun of the Dead [2004] and Little Monsters [2019] to name a few) it can sometimes be hard to find one that perfectly balances satire without becoming drenched in silly slapstick. Bodies Bodies Bodies nails this tricky footing of satirical dark humour through its genuine labyrinth-like story which hones in on the classic ‘Cluedo’ framing, as well as fleshing out its essential characters with the ideal amount of sincerity – just enough to care, but still cruel enough to root for the ‘villain’. Speaking of villains, what makes Bodies such a must-see is its bitterly hilarious take on the flaws of human temperaments, introducing quite a morbid take on the indoctrination of social media and the domination of cyber lifestyles. 

7- The Lies of Our Confines (Directed by Leon Oldstrong) 

During a trip to the Highlands of Scotland, one of a group of young Black males from the inner city come across a corn doll, harboring an angered spirit…

The Lies of Our Confines is living proof that independent cinema is just as, if not better than any blockbuster. This powerhouse of a film commands the attention of the audience from start to finish, with its dynamic cinematography and potent framing making use of the ample woodland setting. The rural habitat and rich narrative thrive thanks to the basis of the film’s diegesis. Horror, particularly that with an essence of neo-folk origins is lacking a much-needed boost of representation, presenting one-dimensional stories with no variety. The Lies of Our Confines breaks down that barrier and is a demonstration of the necessity of modern indie film.

8- Crimes of the Future (Directed by David Cronenberg) 

A performance artist (Viggo Mortensen), begins to grow new organs to remove them as part of his shows.

Cronenberg reached legendary status a fairly long time ago, with films such as Videodrome (1983) and Crash (1996) being just two examples of his sensational filmography. Crimes of the Future brings Cronenberg back to his sci-fi roots, and it’s more than obvious that this is where his bizarre, but stunning auteurship works best. The film is easy to spoil, but just be aware that this instant hit is a chaotic journey into the obscene and absurd, with a somewhat sporadic sense of lustiness that could only be pulled off by Cronenberg’s cinematic wit.

9- Master (Directed by Mariama Diallo) 

At a prestigious university, three women are finding their footing amidst a troublesome, and elitist presence haunting the grounds.

Master is truly a hidden gem, with the film not receiving all of the attention that it really does deserve. The college setting works incredibly well within the genre, there really is just something so sinister about old halls and urban legends within a scholarly environment that has a sinister lure. Except, rather than Master indulging in sorority frights (as seen with so many college films), Diallo dips into brave, and ghostly territory to create a film so rich and entwined with allegorical groundings that it is nearly impossible not to take away a lingering reaction. Master knows how to manipulate a scare out of its viewer, but it also knows not to overindulge in jumpscares, making it a go-to for any movie night.

10- Eating Miss Campbell (Directed by Liam Regan) 

When Beth Conner (Lyndsey Craine), a devout vegan high schooler, falls for her English teacher (Lala Barlow) she develops an untamed appetite for flesh.

Eating Miss Campbell is a bonanza of boisterous, frenzied, and rather cathartic obscenity–i.e., it’s a beautiful rarity that budding filmmakers should take note of for inspiration. Regan leaves no stone unturned within the latest Troma classic, with the film juggling contentious subject matters with a witty, and daring sense of humour that is quite unmatched. Throughout the 84-minute runtime, Regan, along with lead performer Craine show off their bountiful capabilities, making Eating Miss Campbell an absolute standout entry from 2022.

11- Dashcam (Directed by Rob Savage) 

Livestreamer Annie (Annie Hardy) jets to London at the start of the pandemic, leading to one hell of an unforgettable night.

The dream team comprised of Rob Savage along with writers Gemma Hurley and Jed Shepherd are the minds behind one of this century’s most impactful horrors, Host (2020). Continuing their cyber-minded work is Dashcam, a gloriously unfriendly tale of the objectionable nature of social media, all told through the perspective of a hilariously unwholesome character, played by the one and only Hardy. Dashcam has equal measures of thrilling, bloody frights and cynicism, with a means to create one of 2022’s most unique and brutish films.

12- Nope (Directed by Jordan Peele) 

After a suspected UFO flies over a Californian ranch, a brother and sister duo (Daniel Kayuua and Keke Palmer) bands together to capture the flying object on film.

Prior to Nope, Peele had only two films in his horror credits, yet the sheer adoration for his work was and still is fantastically immense, and rightly so. Nope understands its own excessive portrayal of spectacles. In fact, that is precisely what Nope actionizes. Peele’s work is laden with meta-commentary that focuses on the trajectory of human behaviour, all tied together with truly career-defining performances by Kalyuua and Palmer.

13- The Stranger (Directed by Mike Clarke & Paul Gerrard) 

The lives of an unsuspecting mother (Jennifer Preston) and daughter (Isabella Percival) are forever changed when an unexpected stranger (Damien Ashley) turns up at their guest house.

 The cryptic nature of The Stranger’s narrative path is the reason behind the film’s robust and rigorous flow, allowing for a slow buildup of dread and unease that makes for a notably insidious ending. Completely the thrilling ride is The Stranger’s double-edged disposition; the film is as much of a mind invasion as it is home, making the film a true cinematic experience. 

14- Searching for Veslemøy (Directed by Leo X. Robertson)

Searching for Veslemøy is a witty, eerie, and above all hilarious mockumentary that dares to go down the off-kilter route with Robertson’s talented filmmaking style allowing for bleak humour and a morbid sensibility to perfectly meld together. Further digging into the film’s style—the performances led by Tom Montgomery also pushes a hefty level of sincerity to the overarching found-footage method that manages to stand out amongst the popular sub genre. Searching for Veslemøy is a must see on anyone’s watchlist!

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Reviews

Review – Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

What’s not to love about Christmas? There are extra long queues at the shops, endless presents to wrap, and a robotic Santa on a killing spree…

Joe Begos’s Christmas Bloody Christmas takes frosty frights to a whole new level, with Shudder’s latest hit generating immense hype and smashing reviews. 

Begos seasonal slash fest delivers gory, over-the-top mayhem infused with just enough sarcasm and satire without being ridiculous. The savage, absurd atmosphere is very much owed to the film’s awareness of its own ludicrous story, akin to Josh Ruben’s Scare Me (2020), which similarly thrived in a sense of horrific hilarity. Many comparisons could be made to Christmas Bloody Christmas, whether that’s to fellow Shudder releases, or to classic yuletide horror flicks, yet, there is a restorative sense of ‘newness’ that is crucial in the film’s success. This air of imagination that breathes in wicked vibrancy to festive horror is the film’s heavy stylization, most of which is founded in the neon-inspired lighting, which paints a slick glow across the gory kills; most of which focuses on Santa’s swinging axe.

In lieu of this buzzing aesthetic, Christmas Bloody Christmas also breaks down the barriers of traditional character dynamics. Yes, there is a fair amount of characters simply existing as movie meat, but the lead protagonist Tori (Riley Dandy), is an epic badass who refuses to fit into the archetypal final girl role. 

The film is almost a spiritual resident within the Troma Entertainments hall of fame. It just has that gritty, frenzied essence that focuses on the amusement factor and makes the most of its seasonal background to create a memorable and noteworthy addition to a longline of classic Christmas horrors. 

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Original vs remake Reviews

Original VS Remake – Black Christmas (1974) vs. (2006)

The consumption of festive horror has rapidly increased over the years, with every season bringing about a brand new handful of not-so-jolly frights. And whilst many of these entries make for a perfect movie night next to a decorated tree, no other holiday horror has captured the same level of utter dread and catastrophe as Bob Clark’s Black Christmas (1974). The film chronicles the fear of a group of sorority sisters after they receive obscene phone calls from a strange man over the landline. Despite their flustered response, they soon shake the calls off. That is until a series of strange disappearances unveil the dark nature of the mysterious assailant. 

Wading through the film’s expansive depths is the overarching ambiguous nature that employs the whodunit storytelling arc, along with a personalised and closed narrative that creates a strange composition of being both vague to deter predictability, with a dose of emotional intimacy to forge a bond to the protagonists. As unbalanced as this may seem, Clark wholeheartedly knows how to juggle juxtaposed themes to create a distinctive result. The phone calls act as an instigator for terror to ensue, and like a ticking time bomb, the more phone calls received, the more vulgar and abhorrent they become. In fact, the profanities uttered are said in such a gravelly and inhumane tone that it almost creates the assumption that surely the caller cannot be a real person.

 Making the viciousness all the more threatening is the aforementioned personable quality. The viewer has a string of characters to follow, particularly the feisty Barb (Margot Kidder), who you cannot help but be drawn to (despite the lude humour), and then Jess (Olivia Hussey), the ‘girl next door’ who is fighting a losing battle with her forceful boyfriend, Peter (Keir Dullea). 

This nuanced duplicity of Black Christmas managing to be subtle but extreme, and quiet but loud is a strong component in its successful makeup and gives credence to the film’s ability to conjure a multidimensional response. The proclivity to forecast such tonality is always a goal for filmmakers, yet it is a rather difficult aspect to achieve, making Black Christmas an achievement in all reigns. 

The hedonistic gravitas that pushes the horror to the forefront is at heart connected to the laborious production where Clark meticulously worked to achieve a multifaceted study. Screenwriter Roy Moore developed the script with urban legends in mind, particularly the story surrounding a babysitter who receives repeated calls asking her to check the children. Quite eerie indeed. After a remodelling by producers where the background was changed to a university setting, the script made its way to Clark. However, he believed it to be too typical and added his own flare, including a touch of dark comedy, alterations to the dialogue, and a sense of prudence and capability to the sorority sisters. The zeitgeist of the time flourished in painting college students as being devoid of common sense, and with Clark wanting to create a piece that was more than gore-bait, he gave the final girl, Jess, a strong sensibility with difficult issues at hand. 

With the formidable tension, thoroughly explored dispositions, and tenacious ploy of dread the original Black Christmas is a nirvana of yuletide terror and festive alarm. What comes with this status is an inevitable track record for a lasting legacy…and remakes. 

There is no hate intended towards remakes, in fact, they can be just as, if not better than the original. When it comes to Black Christmas it can be difficult to hold it up next to such a classic. It has its strengths and a few weaknesses, but it does come from a well-intended place. Director Glen Morgan caught the attention of Dimension Films, who wanted to collaborate in recreating Clark’s 1970s hit. For Morgan, the aim from the very beginning was to recognise the significance of the original and not simply retell the already cemented work, but to re-flourish elements that stood out within a modern infrastructure. This is the primary thesis that allows Black Christmas (2006) to be a fan favourite and cult classic for many today. It understands its limitations of being a remake, yet it stands tall and works within its boundaries. 

The consequence of these developments included a deeper dive into the killer at the end of the phone line, and what made him a monster. Comparisons between Rob Zombie’s Halloween (2007) and Morgan’s insistent fleshing out of the backstory have been rightfully made. It could be said that the film’s main backbone is compiled by a complex backstory that has all the ingredients to create an analogical and somewhat more frightful result. However, from a critical perspective, this is the film’s primary undoing. 

In the original, the killer (now known as Billy) was not given an identity, let alone a history. The most information obtained comes from Billy’s dialogue, suggesting some sort of forbidden bond between himself and an unknown person simply referred to as Agnes. As with any popular film, over time audiences created their own folklore for characters and their possible backgrounds. The apex of Billy’s personality revolves around the perverse nature of his actions, with his dialogue and murders divulging gritty content. Morgan dives straight into the fables of Billy’s background and elaborates on who this ‘Agnes’ is and why Billy is a monster in the first place. 

The remake establishes (in heavy flashback-based detail) that Billy’s (Robert Mann) mother, Constance (Karin Konoval), kills his father on Christmas Eve, burying the corpse in the house’s crawl space. After years pass Billy’s abuse worsens as Constance rapes him, resulting in an interbred child named Agnes (Dean Friss) and Billy later killing his mother, as well as disfiguring Agnes with a Christmas tree topper. 

The rather dicey background is honestly quite out there for a widely released piece of cinema. Morgan’s plump retelling is impressive and makes for a ghastly and entertaining watch. Yet, the chance of suspense is completely lost amidst the packed surroundings. The original kept every little morsel of information tightly wrapped up for the entire film, even the ending is a double edged sword with the killer not being caught. There was no mask donned by Billy to create a spectacle, the absence of his presence felt in the kill scenes (with a focus on pov instead) tied in with his impenetrable demeanour, and most importantly the lack of answers made him even less human, and more beastly. 

Clark’s Billy was an unstoppable force who the audience couldn’t pinpoint why he is such a sadistic person. It opened the opportunity for our minds to go absolutely berserk in working out the mystery. We were forced to project our own fears and anxieties onto Billy, making him everyone’s tailored nightmare. Whilst Morgan’s bravery is commendable and works as a standalone feat, the cruelty of Clark’s omnipotent villain is sorely missed when comparing the two films. 

The remake is not solely steeped in pessimism, alternatively, there are many fantastic qualities that the film obtains. One aspect that truly amps up the fear factor and puts an impressive stamp on Black Christmas is the brutal killings. 2006 was a bloody time for horror thanks to the rise in ‘torture-porn’ works such as Saw (2004) and Hostel (2005) dominating the field with their ‘go hard or go home attitude. The fight to appease gory appetites was a rising issue, with studios resulting in painting every slasher with as much blood as possible. Black Christmas was no exception to this rule. 

Arguably, with a fairly violent predecessor, the basis of every spectacle in the remake may not have been a complete shocker as some kills followed a similar path to Clark’s original splatter scenes. Still, somehow Morgan manages to take the inspiration in his stride and forge some extremely unique sequences that deserve a round of applause. The classic opening kill of Black Christmas (in both entries) involves an unlucky sorority sister being suffocated by a plastic bag, before being left to rot whilst the rest of the house goes about their merry way.

The cruel beginnings of both films are a perfect example of the difference between Clark and Morgan’s paths. Clark lengthens the scene by intercutting the full kill with scenes of Billy climbing up into the house and creeping around like a lurch (all shown from his eyes), before also showing the college tenants’ reaction to the obscene phone calls. As Billy wraps the plastic bag around Clare’s (Lynne Griffin) head, we watch as the sheet takes away any breath left, before showing her lifeless corpse in a swinging rocking chair in the attic as Billy mumbles nursery rhymes in the background. 

In Morgan’s adaption, the kill occurs within a fracture of the time as Clair (Leela Savasta) is swiftly suffocated by a plastic bag and stabbed in the eye with a pen all within two minutes of the title card’s appearance. It’s a gnarly death and certainly more visually visceral, with the rapid frames taking the audience by dire surprise and showing them that this remake is not here to mess around. However, whilst this fun fire of gory madness makes for an entertaining popcorn movie, its missing that certain magic that Clark captured. 

As the remake moves along, Morgan is given the chance to shine with his throwback essentialities that allow the film to have a reminiscent quality that rings back to camp 1980s slashers. The vibrant characters who take Barb’s witty euphemisms and dial them up to the max are what make the film glow with a warm, easy-going vibe that makes viewers come back to watch the gore-fest every holiday season. And whilst there were some excellent examples of eighties slashers that went above and beyond in making their characters more than kill currency, Black Christmas (2006) goes full throttle in creating over-the-top deaths that have the opportunity to introduce contemporary audiences to a slew of similarly minded films such as The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) and The House on Sorority Row (1982). 

The sheer awareness that Morgan obtained throughout the filming process is an exemplary mold that other successful remakes embraced including The Hills Have Eyes (2006) and My Bloody Valentine (2009). Fashioning a remake with a spine that acknowledges its predecessor and creates a similarly-minded film but with updated aesthetics is what allows Black Christmas to be a gory Christmastime classic. 

The slasher genre is forever in debt to Black Christmas and Clark’s visionary delights that wielded an archetypal sorority narrative with festive darkness to garner an everlastingly appealing horror.  And with the consistent regenerative nature of horror and the churning out of remakes, Black Christmas (2006) is certainly not the worst recreation floating about. Instead, it’s a grand effort in keeping the memory of the original alive and bring forth attention to the original from audiences who might have missed out on Clark’s genre-defining staple. 

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Reviews Top Horror

Ten unmissable Christmas movie kills


1- The rocking chair – Black Christmas (Directed by Bob Clark, 1974) 

Black Christmas is a horror that remains a public favourite all these years later for great reasons. The glossy darkness of this sorority fright is brimming with a holiday essence that embraces that idyllic juxtaposition of Christmas horror. With countless kills under its belt, it’s nearly impossible to pick just one entry from Bob Clark’s seventies bloodfest. However, one is just that cut above the rest. Before the film’s crazed killer works his way through his hapless prey, he sets his sights on Clare (Lynne Griffin). Clare’s end is brutal; she is suffocated with a plastic wrap before being positioned on a rocking chair in view of the attic window for everyone to see. What works incredibly well is the subtlety of the kill. Whilst harsh, the true beauty of the act is in its imagery of a lifeless corpse rocking back and forth in view of an entire street, but no one ever notices her and she remains undiscovered…


2- Stair birth – Inside (Directed by Julien Maury & Alexandre Bustillo, 2007) 

French horror has a penchant for yuletide frights, with Deadly Games (1989), Sheitan (2006), and The Advent Calendar (2021) all thriving in the extremism of French cinema whilst still featuring the spark of festivity. However, one film that leads the pack is Inside. A pregnant widow (Alysson Paradis) fending off a mad woman (Béatrice Dalle) on Christmas Eve is a fierce venture without heaps of savagery, yet Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo refuse to settle for a pg-13 rating. Inside defines the word merciless, particularly within the ending scene. After the house has been painted with blood and countless people have been murdered, the intruder finally gets her hands on the prize. In an act of revenge, the killer performs an impromptu and forced caesarian on a dirty staircase, with the camera not shielding away from the bloody viscera and gore as we see a fetus being plucked from a hopeless woman.

3- The wood chipper – Silent Night (Directed by Steven C. Miller, 2012) 

Scary Santa’s are a given for any Christmas slashfest, with Steven C. Miller’s Silent Night being no exception. As a small town begins to succumb to an evil St. Nick (Rick Skene), Sherrif Cooper (Malcolm McDowell) and Deputy Bradimore (Jaime King) have to work through a series of grizzly murders to get down to the bottom of the savage case. Films like these are exceptional at creating kills by the dozen, with Silent Night featuring everything from Christmas light electrocution to groin impalements. One kill that is the cardinal of the film is the wood chipper scene. As Santa Claus slices his way through the town, he gets his hands on a doomed victim and shoves her feet first into a woodchipper as tonnes of matter spews out the funnel!

4- Paint can experiment – Better Watch Out (Directed by Chris Peckover, 2016) 

Better Watch Out (or Home Alone’s evil twin) has become a modern Christmas classic, leading the viewer in all sorts of directions before delivering a great twist that kickstarts the ‘real’ movie. After its revealed that the sweet boy Luke (Levi Miller), whom Ashley (Olivia DeJonge) is babysitting turns out to have a deadly crush on her, all hell breaks loose. A sequence of tense events leads to the film’s most untamed moment; after Ashley’s boyfriend Ricky (Aleks Mikic) arrives at the house, Luke takes it upon himself to try out a trick he saw in Home Alone where a paint can is swung toward someone. However, instead of Ricky getting a comedic bump on the head, his head is squished by the tins completely annihilating him and painting the walls in the process.

5- Death by nutcracker – Christmas Evil (Directed by Lewis Jackson, 1980)

Christmas Evil follows suit with various festive horrors following a maniacal Santa on the loose. Where Lewis Jackson’s Santa-gone-wild feature differs is within the gnarly kills that play out with a keen callous energy. After a collection of events rile up evil Father Christmas, in this case also known as Harry (a disgruntled factory worker [Brandon Maggart]), he decides to go on a rampage, making a heavy steel weapon in the shape of an inconspicuous nutcracker toy. Harry arrives at a church where people on his ‘naughty’ list attend, but as a group of big-talkers block him from ticking off his Christmas list he grabs the nutcracker and rams the sharp end right into one’s eyesocket before taking a toy hatchet and smashing the blade down on two more people’s heads, leaving a bloody trail of chaos.

6- Blender whirl – Red Christmas (Directed by Craig Anderson, 2016) 

The wickedly cruel Ozploitation flick Red Christmas may have received a very mixed reception due to the film’s contentious subject matter surrounding life v. choice matters, however, the deliberately offensive horror does offer superb kills including a bear trap closing on someone’s face, an umbrella stabbing straight through the forehead, and a seatbelt strangulation. However, the most startling and original scene is when the spinning blade of a blender is met with the back of someone’s head. As the Christmas day mayhem runs through to the night, one victim is forced back onto a kitchen counter where the blender’s motor is on high speed. After what feels like forever, tensely waiting for the inevitable kill, the unbearable death is finally in action as we see the man’s eyes pool up with red as blood seeps out of every orifice as his brain is swirled around.

7- Antler hanging – Silent Night, Deadly Night (Directed by Charles E. Sellier, Jr., 1984)

Silent Night, Deadly Night erupted onto the scene with an unreal amount of hate, with the film even getting a live ‘shame on you comment directed at the film crew during the Siskel and Ebert show. And yet all these years later it’s now a cult classic must-see. The film seeks out another man-with-the-bag story, centering on Billy Chapman (Robert Brian Wilson), who after a series of unfortunate events reaches his tether. Rightfully earning its place on the list is the film’s plethora of instant-classic kills, particularly the ending of Denise (Linnea Quigley). Billy hoists Denise up in the air and meticulously and slowly plants her down on a set of sharp antlers, before leaving her like a dangling morbid ornament.

8- Mason family massacre – Santa’s Slay (Directed by David Steiman, 2005) 

Akin to a tin of Quality Street, Santa’s Slay has a bit of something for everyone. Irreverent humour, plenty of vulgarity and lude comments, as well as a heaping dose of over-the-top, violence for the sake of it. It’s difficult to pin just one demise as Santa’s Slay rivets within all of the copious brutality, but there is certainly one scene that feeds right into Christmas horrors’ hands. During the first act, Santa (Bill Goldberg), makes his way down the chimney of the Mason family to massacre the lot of them. The turbulent sequence displays whole new levels of madness that thrives in its own depravity, with Santa blow torching the scalp of the matriarch before drowning her in a bowl of eggnog, using the Christmas tree topper as a shuriken, and ramming a turkey leg down a man’s throat.

9- Flesh cookies – Black Christmas (Directed by Glen Morgan, 2006) 

The original Black Christmas is a genuinely frightful experience, utilising a tense atmosphere and a suspenseful mystery element to garner a foreboding sense of dread. The 2006 remake is nearly just as effective but in a totally alternative way. Glen Morgan’s retelling is the ultimate teen horror that understands its almost asinine 2000s vibe and runs with it. The film dives deep into Billy’s (Robert Mann) cruel backstory and shines a light on his barbaric ways. During the film’s goriest peak we see Billy murder his mother by batting her repeatedly with a rolling pin, going overboard with the bludgeoning. Once she is shown lifeless on the floor, he grabs a gingerbread cookie cutter and begins to carve out pieces of her skin before baking them. Billy’s last moments of freedom before prison shows him chilling at the dining table eating the ‘cookies’ with a glass of milk like a deranged Santa. Truly disgusting!


10- Jack-in-the-box – Krampus (Directed by Michael Doughtery, 2015) 

The lore of Krampus runs deep within German culture, with the anthropormorphic creature acting as an assistant to Santa, gifting disobeying children with birch rods. Many films have attempted to tell the Krampus legend, particularly A Christmas Horror Story (2015) greatly featuring some very gruesome short stories, but one horror that stands out above them all is Michael Dougherty’s Krampus, starring Toni Collette and Adam Scott. Krampus envisions a develishly grim Christmas, where Krampus’s evil sidekicks include re-animated mini but mighty gingerbreads, evil elves, and a giant jack-in-the-box with massive fangs and a horrid, glazed expression. Krampus’s standout kill includes that very jack-in-the-box as it eats a small child whole with ease.

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